Under the white clouds
Laying, Crying, Spilling thoughts
On into the sky
Can you hear me?
Under the white clouds
Begging selflessly
Are you answering everyone but me?
2 or 10,000 angels. What does it matter?
Under the white clouds
Forgive me
Ripped from my life
He was
Under the white clouds
Believing again
Longing, eyes puffy
Bring him back
Under the white clouds
Forgiving
Them which know not what they do
Greed?
Under the white clouds
Spring. A new beginning.
Apple trees
Picnic in the sun
Under the white clouds
Will it ever be?
Family again?
You know, I'm quite taken aback by the beauty of this simple poem. You have elements here that work so well, that come together to elevate your writing to a state of art, that I simply love it.
ReplyDeleteThe quote from the Bible totally works. The use of splitting the line "Spring. A new beginning" is near genius. I'm not sure how it occurred to you to do this. There is enough concrete imagery here to keep a thread of a thought going through the whole piece, but it is also cryptic enough to keep me wondering. Thank you so much.
This piece is amazing. Its simplicity is so powerful. It is emotional and you really put together an amazing combination to make this. You should do more like this because you are so talented at this.
ReplyDelete@Meg, and Mr. Johnson: Thank you so much. I think that my feelings were really taking control when I wrote this. I think that it would be hard to write another piece like this. Because, simply, I just don't think I could ever feel so... sad and angry as I did when I wrote this. I don't think that I would ever want to again. but of course everything happens for a reason. Maybe God thought that I should feel that way to express the things that I felt through this piece. Hopefully I will learn to write like this without having to feel so much pain.
ReplyDeleteWow, Ellie, this poem is amazing. Like Mr. J and Meg said, the simplicity and raw emotion in it is what makes it so powerful. I love how you never let your feelings get in the way of your writing, you use the feelings in your writing instead. This piece really is beautiful, and the bible quote was placed perfectly. And whenever a real writer writes, they have to feel something, whether its pain, or happiness and joy.
ReplyDelete@Olivia: :') Tears of joy! <3
ReplyDelete